150 Funny Coffee Quotes – Best Coffee Quotes And Captions

funny coffee quotes

Life is hard, making coffee shouln’t be. And so, enjoy it with laughter.

If you are a cafephile like me that would like to wake up to the flavor of a freshly brewed coffee in the morning, have two or more cups of coffee before leaving home for work or even some in the mug to sip on the go, chances are that you would like to incorporate some funny coffee quotes and sayings into your morning coffee drink making or at least have your favorite quote about coffee inscribed on your coffee cup.

Custom mugs with coffee captions, memes, or quotes, are common in every household a coffee lover dwells in. With the best caffeine-related quotes curled from the internet, coffee lovers who consider coffee break a priority, coffee shops, and international coffee day quotes, I have been able to come up with the best list of funny coffee quotes that will crack you up while you enjoy your coffee alone or with friends.

Do you have anyone in your life you would like to encourage to start their day with a cup of coffee? Feel free to share this post with them to start their day with laughter.

Inspirational coffee quotes

  • “I like coffee because it gives me the illusion that I might be awake.”– Lewis Black
  • “I think if I were a woman I’d wear coffee as a perfume.”–John Van Druten
  • “If you are not coffee, chocolate or bacon, I’m going to need you to go away.”– Anonymous
  • “Maybe she’s born with it. Maybe it’s caffeine.” – Anonymous
  • “Without coffee, nothing gets written. Period.”–Nancy Kress
  • “You can’t have a decent food culture without a decent coffee culture: the two things grow up together.”– Adam Gopnik
  •  “7 days without coffee makes one WEAK.-Anonymous
  • “A bad day with coffee is better than a good day without it.” – Anonymous
  •  “A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.”– Alfred Renyi
  •  “A morning coffee is my favorite way of starting the day, settling the nerves so that they don’t later fray.”-Marcia Carrington
  • “Actually, this seems to be the basic need of the human heart in nearly every great crisis – a good hot cup of coffee”. – Alexander King
  •  “Adventure in life is good… consistency in Coffee even better.”— Justina Headley
  • “All you need is love and more coffee”. – Anonymous
  •  “As long as there was coffee in the world, how bad could things be?”-Cassandra Clare
  •  “Behind every successful woman is a substantial amount of coffee.”-Stephanie Piro
  • “Black as night, sweet as sin.” – Neil Gaiman
  • “Black as the devil, hot as hell, pure as an angel, sweet as love.” — Charles Maurice de Talleyrand
  • “But even a bad cup of coffee is better than no coffee at all. New York has great water for coffee.” – David Lynch
  •  “Caffeine- It maintains my sunny personality.”– Anonymous
  • “Chocolate and coffee? Together? Whoever came up with that combination should have won a Nobel Peace Prize. Or at least a subscription to Reader’s Digest.” -Darynda Jones
  • “Coffee – it’s the lifeblood that fuels the dreams of champions!” – Mike Ditka
  • “Coffee connects us in so many ways – to each other, to our senses, and to the earth that supports the coffee trees.” – Rohan Marley
  • “Coffee first. Schemes later.”-Leanna Renee Hieber
  • “Coffee has two virtues: it is wet and warm.” -Dutch Proverb
  • “Coffee helps me maintain my ‘never killed anyone streak.’”-Anonymous
  • “Coffee in England always tastes like a chemistry experiment.”-Agatha Christie
  •  “Coffee is a beverage that puts one to sleep when not drank.”-Alphonse Allais
  • “Coffee is a hug in a mug.” – Anonymous
  • “Coffee is a language in itself”-Jackie Chan
  • “Coffee is a way of stealing time that should by rights belong to your older self.”-Terry Pratchett
  •  “Coffee is good for talent, but genius wants prayer.”-Ralph Waldo Emerson
  • “Coffee is the best medicine.” – Anonymous
  •  “Coffee is the best thing to douse the sunrise with.” — Terri Guillemets
  •  “Coffee isn’t a drug, it’s a vitamin”. – Anonymous
  • “Coffee keeps me going until it’s time for wine”. – Anonymous
  • “Coffee makes us severe, and grave, and philosophical.”-Jonathan Swift
  • “Coffee owns me, and I’m fine with that.”-Anonymous
  • “Coffee should be black as hell, strong as death and sweet as love.” – Turkish proverb
  • “Coffee smells like freshly ground heaven.” – Jessi Lane Adams
  •  “Coffee was a food in that house, not a drink.”-Patricia Hampl
  •  “Coffee with a friend is like capturing happiness in a cup”. – Anonymous
  • “Coffee! Is the planet shaking or is just me?”— Anonymous
  •  “Coffee, the favorite drink of the civilized world.”– Thomas Jefferson
  •  “Coffee, the finest organic suspension ever devised”. – Star Trek: Voyager
  • “Coffee: creative lighter fluid.” -Floyd Maxwell
  •  “Coffeeology: Espresso yourself. So many blends, so little time. Take life one sip at a time, and stay grounded. Better latte than never. Take time to smell the cover.”– Anonymous
  • “Decaffeinated coffee is kind of like kissing your sister.” -Bob Irwin
  • “Depresso: The feeling you get when you’ve run out of coffee. – Anonymous
  • “Do you know how helpless you feel if you have a full cup of coffee in your hand and you start to sneeze?”-Jean Kerr
  •  “Doctors found traces of blood in my coffee stream.”-Anonymous
  • “Drink coffee and pretend to know what you’re doing.”– Anonymous
  •  “Even bad coffee is better than no coffee at all.”-David Lynch
  •  “Everyone should believe in something. I believe I will have another coffee.”-Anonymous
  •  “Follow your heart but take coffee with you.” – Anonymous
  • “Forever: Time it takes to brew the first pot of coffee in the morning.” — Anonymous
  • “Free yourself from the slavery of tea and coffee and other slop kettles!” -William Cobbett
  • “Friends bring happiness into your life. Best friends bring coffee.” – Anonymous
  •  “Given enough coffee, I could rule the world.” – Anonymous
  •  “Humanity runs on coffee.”– Anonymous
  • “I began wearing hats as a young lawyer because it helped me to establish my professional identity. Before that, whenever I was at a meeting, someone would ask me to get coffee.” -Bella Abzug
  • “I believe humans get a lot done, not because we’re smart, but because we have thumbs so we can make coffee”. – Flash Rosenberg
  •  “I can’t espresso how much you bean to me.” – Anonymous
  • “I can’t imagine a day without coffee. I can’t imagine!”-Howard Schultz
  • “I can’t stop drinking the coffee. I stop drinking the coffee, I stop doing the standing, and the walking, and the words-putting-into-sentences doing.” – Anonymous
  • “I could smell myself awake with that coffee.”-Jaesse Tyler
  • “I don’t have a problem with caffeine. I have a problem without it.”-Anonymous
  •  “I don’t know how people live without coffee, I really don’t.” – Martha Quinn
  •  “I don’t see the point in caffeine without coffee. Or coffee without caffeine, for that matter.”-Robyn Schneider
  •  “I have measured out my life with coffee spoons.” – S. Eliot
  •  “I judge a restaurant by the bread and by the coffee.” – Burt Lancaster
  •  “I like coffee because it gives me the illusion that I might be awake.”-Lewis Black
  • “I like my coffee like I like myself: strong, sweet, and too hot for you.”-Jac Vanek
  •  “I like my coffee with cream and my literature with optimism.”–Abigail Reynolds
  •  “I never laugh until I’ve had my coffee.”-Clark Gable
  • “I orchestrate my mornings to the tune of coffee.”— Terri Guillemets
  •  “I poured a compass into my coffee, to give the flavor some direction.” -Jarod Kintz
  • “I put coffee in my coffee.”-Anonymous
  •  “I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.”–Steven Wright
  • “I think if I were a woman I’d wear coffee as a perfume.”-John William Van Druten
  •  “I was taken by the power that savoring a simple cup of coffee can have to connect people and create community.”-Howard Schultz
  •  “I would rather suffer with coffee than be senseless.”— Napoleon Bonaparte
  •  “I’d rather take coffee than compliments just now.”― Louisa May Alcott
  •  “I’m going to start measuring the complexity of coding tasks in coffee cups. This was a five-espresso algorithm.”— Anonymous
  • “I’m holding a cup of coffee, so yeah, I’m pretty busy.”-Anonymous
  • “I’ve taken up meditation. I like to have an espresso first to make it more challenging.” -Betsy Salkind
  • “If I asked for a cup of coffee, someone would search for the double meaning.”-Mae West
  • “If it weren’t for the coffee, I’d have no identifiable personality whatsoever”. – David Letterman
  •  “If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee.”-Abraham Lincoln
  •  “If your eyes hurt after you drink coffee, you have to take the spoon out of the cup.” -Norm Crosby
  •  “It doesn’t matter where you’re from – or how you feel… There’s always peace in a strong cup of coffee.”― Gabriel Bá
  •  “It must be slow, for I have been drinking it for sixty-five years and I am not yet dead.” -Voltaire
  • “It turned out people truly did cry into their coffee cups.”-Jodi Picoult
  •  “It’s amazing how the world begins to change through the eyes of a cup of coffee.” – Donna A. Favors
  •  “It’s strange how drinking  cups of water seems impossible but 8 cups of coffee go down like a chubby kid on a see-saw.”– Anonymous
  • “Kids are meeting in coffee shops and basements figuring out what’s unsustainable in their communities. That’s the future.” – Ian Somerhalder
  •  “Black coffee must be strong and very hot; if strong coffee does not agree with you, do not drink black coffee. And if you do not drink black coffee, do not drink any coffee at all.”-Andre Simon
  • “Life happens, coffee helps.” – Anonymous
  •  “Life is too short to drink bad coffee.”  – Anonymous
  •  “Life without coffee is like something without something…sorry, I haven’t had any coffee yet.”-Anonymous
  •  “Listen, before I had my coffee, I didn’t know how awesome I was going to be today, either.” – Anonymous
  •  “May your coffee be strong and your Monday be short.”-Anonymous
  •  “May your coffee kick in before reality does.”– Anonymous
  •  “My birthstone is a coffee bean.”-Anonymous
  • “My blood type is coffee.” – Anonymous
  • “My coffee machine is the most beautiful person in the world to me.”-Anonymous
  •  “Never drink black coffee at lunch; it will keep you awake in the afternoon.” -Jilly Cooper
  •  “No matter what historians claimed, BC really stood for Before Coffee.”-Cherise Sinclair
  • “No one can understand the truth until he drinks of coffee’s frothy goodness.” – Sheik Abd-al-Kadir
  •  “Once you wake up and smell the coffee, it’s hard to go back to sleep.”-Fran Drescher
  •  “Our culture runs on coffee and gasoline, the first often tasting like the second.”-Edward Abbey
  • “People don’t stop eating, and they don’t stop drinking coffee.”-Magic Johnson
  •  “People say money can’t buy happiness. They lie. Money buys coffee, coffee makes me happy!”– Anonymous
  •  “Science may never come up with a better office communication system than the coffee break.”-Earl Wilson
  •  “Smell the roses. Smell the coffee. Whatever it is that makes you happy.” – Rita Moreno
  •  “Sometimes I go hours without drinking coffee…it’s called sleeping.”– Anonymous
  • “Sometimes I stay up so late that I have my morning coffee before I go to bed.”-Anonymous
  • “Stressed, blessed, and coffee obsessed.” – Anonymous
  •  “SYS Not Found: User startup disabled.”-Anonymous
  •  “The coffee was so strong it snarled as it lurched out of the pot.”-Betty MacDonald


  1.  “The powers of a man’s mind are directly proportional to the quantity of coffee he drank.”– Sir James MacKintosh
  2.  “The road to success is paved in coffee.” — Anonymous
  3. “There is no life without water. Because water is needed to make coffee.”— Anonymous
  4. “There isn’t enough coffee in the United States to keep everyone awake during a Presidential election campaign.” -Donald W. Brown
  5. “There’s nothing sweeter than a cup of bitter coffee.” – Rian Aditia
  6.  “These angry zombies were rushing to work, and their eyes flashed fair warning: Don’t mess with us. We haven’t had our coffee.” -Joan Frank
  7.  “This house runs on love, laughter and a whole lot of coffee”. – Anonymous
  8.  “Three cups of coffee a day keeps the doctor away!”-Anonymous
  9. “To me, the smell of fresh-made coffee is one of the greatest inventions”. – Hugh Jackman
  10.  “Today’s good mood is sponsored by coffee.” – Anonymous
  11.  “Wanna hear a joke? Decaf.” – Anonymous
  12.  “Way too much coffee. But if it weren’t for the coffee, I’d have no identifiable personality whatsoever.”– David Letterman
  13.  “We want to do a lot of stuff; we’re not in great shape. We didn’t get a good night’s sleep. We’re a little depressed. Coffee solves all these problems in one delightful little cup.”– Jerry Seinfeld
  14. “What do you want?” “Just coffee. Black – like my soul.” – Cassandra Clare
  15. “What goes best with a cup of coffee? Another cup.” -Henry Rollins
  16.  “What on earth could be more luxurious than a sofa, a book, and a cup of coffee”. – Anthony Trollope
  17. “What would life be without coffee? But then, what is it even with coffee?” -King Louis XV
  18. “When I wake up in the morning, I just can’t get started until I’ve had that first, piping hot pot of coffee. Oh, I’ve tried other enemas…” -Emo Philips
  19. “When life gives you lemons, trade them for coffee.” –  Anonymous
  20.  “When my blood runs black as the moonless night, and my heartbeat sounds as the Warriors march, only then may you say, I’ve had enough coffee.”-Anonymous
  1.  “When traveling with someone, take large dose of patience and tolerance with your morning coffee.”-Helen Hayes
  2. “Which of these coffee quotes is your favorite? Don’t forget to share your picks on social media!” – Anonymous
  3. “Why did the hipster burn his tongue? Because he drank his coffee before it was cool.”-Barista Life
  4.  “Why do they always put mud into coffee on board steamers? Why does the tea generally taste of boiled boots?” -William Makepeace Thackeray
  5. “Without coffee, nothing gets written. Period.”-Nancy Kress
  6.  “You can’t buy happiness but you can buy coffee and that’s pretty close”. – Anonymous
  7. “You should know that before 10 am, no matter what the question is, my answer is always coffee.”-Anonymous
  8.  “You’re brew-tiful.” – Anonymous
  9. ” I love you a latte.” – Anonymous


For the love of coffee, do not forget to share this post with all the cofffee lovers in your life.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

You May Also Like