It is bad enough that your marriage is faulty and worse still that the issue is trust-related. Trust is a vital ingredient for any close interaction to occur between people. Trust is the reason you can leave your drink with your friend without the fear of being poisoned. Trust is the reason you keep your money in a bank. The importance of trust can not be over-emphasized.
For an intimate union like marriage, where two strangers forfeit every other thing to come together as one. To live together, to do business together, to live under the same roof, and produce offspring; trust isn’t a factor that should be toiled with. Trust is a serious factor that upholds a marriage, if anything happens to breach the trust, then the foundation of the marriage would be shaken.
Common Situations That Affect Trust In Marriage
Many factors can cause doubts amongst spouses but infidelity and lies have the top spots.
INFIDELITY: Infidelity not only affects the marriage but also causes pain in the heart of your partner and goes on to affect the trust they have for you. Your partner begins to suspect all your moves because — if you could cheat once, why won’t you another time. Your late nights, extended work hours, and every trip you have to take alone puts doubt in the heart of your partner.
What causes the mistrust here is the fact that you could have an affair with someone other than your spouse. They doubt your love and respect for them. They even go as far as doubting every good thing you have said to them in the past. Avoid cheating on your spouse at all costs because prevention is better than cure.
LIES: Lies can break the trust someone has in you, in any type of relationship you find yourself in. If people can’t take your words for what they are, then they can’t trust you. There is no security at the end of the day.
You might be the one who has erred, maybe got caught for inconsistency in your words. Now you can’t seem to get your partner to believe you, even when you are saying the truth.
For instance, you told your partner you were home all day only for someone else to say they saw you at the mall during the day, that has shown inconsistency on your part and ultimately proven you to be a liar. The same can happen if it is you who has doubts about your partner because they have proven to be a liar. You are no longer confident in them and can not rely on what they say, that can be a tough situation to handle.
If they say they are in Mexico, you would be needing them to make a video call because you don’t trust them and it is all bad for the union.
Despite this challenge of doubt and mistrust between you both, you still want your marriage to work. Helpful guides have been put together to aid this quest to fix your marriage and restore trust.
NOTE: Before we go into the guidelines to help you fix your marriage when trust is broken, there is something vital to know about trust issues. If a partner is overly doubtful of their spouse without any cogent reason or evidence, neither has their partner done anything in the past to stir up doubts yet they are doubtful; that is an indication that such an individual isn’t trustworthy which is why they can’t trust others by default. They are lying when they speak and so they have to think another person is doing the same because that’s what they are doing also.
On the other hand, if a person easily trusts people, it is could be an indication that they are trustworthy and so they see other people as trustworthy. Most times people may deem them to be foolish but they are not. They are sincere individuals who haven’t conceived the ideas of falsehood and so they trust people until they are given reasons not to. It will be unwise to break the trust of such individuals. They can begin to distrust people just when they become aware of who they are and the likelihood of human nature.
In looking at ways to fix your marriage when trust has been broken, there are two approaches to it. They are ways to go about fixing the trust in your marriage when you erred and it is different when it is your partner that broke the trust and you are the one doubting and hurting. But situations might be tough but anything is attainable when the parties involved have a common aim.
Steps on How to Fix Your Marriage When Trust is Broken By You
Courtesy demands that you begin the process with an apology. The apology might not necessarily gain their trust back but it will help in taming down their hurt. Your apologizing assures them that their grievance is justified and that you are humble enough to take responsibility for your action. It also shows that you value the relationship and are willing to make amends.
Imagine that your partner is complaining about something very wrong you did, something that hurts because it breaches the trust in your marriage, and you don’t apologize but resort to defensive tactics — that approach would be like adding fuel to fire. Being sorry and apologizing goes a long way to set the pace for the next action to take in fixing your marriage and correcting your mistakes.
COMMIT TO CHANGING YOUR WAYS
Now that you have erred and broken the trust your spouse had for you. After apologizing, the next healthy step is to work towards changing your ways. A lot of people take their spouses’ feelings for granted. They cheat only to apologize and go back to their vomits, proving that their repentance wasn’t genuine.
If you would apologize only to repeat the very act, you surely can’t be apologizing another time and expect to be taken seriously. Your partner would not value your apologies if you don’t have the habit of changing your ways.
If it’s a drinking habit where you always go to the bar every evening, which causes you to commit adultery in your drunken state, you need to make amends such as coming home to drink. That way if you get drunk, you won’t slip into the hands of a stranger. You should also consider not drinking excessively that you had to get drunk. But whatever is the case, making effort to follow up on your apology goes a long way to fixing trust in your broken marriage because your partner can see how committed you are to making amends. It is sure proof that you are sorry and not willing to repeat the mistake.
Making efforts to change is a perfect way to handle the mistake done. No matter how hurt your spouse is, they are sure to feel consoled when they see you making amends to fix your marriage when trust is broken. They will be encouraged to let things go and believe you. When you are committed to changing your ways, they are encouraged to believe that the other time was truly a mistake that you won’t repeat seeing that you are trying to change.
REFLECT ON THE IMPORTANCE OF YOUR UNION
If the mistake done is a result of a character flaw on your part, it could be quite tough for you to change your ways. What could help out is you reflecting on the importance of your marriage to you.
You need to evaluate the importance of your union to you. You need to remind yourself that this flaw of yours can break your marriage and that should serve as a motivation to quit if you value your marriage and respect your spouse.
As a woman, it could be the habit of keeping lots of friends who then encourage you to go out to parties while your husband is away, you need to remind yourself that going to parties where a lot of the opposite gender will be present and you could potentially get drunk and cheat on your man like you did the last time could threaten your marriage once again. You need to put your marriage first and it would be easy to shun such an invitation and only go with your spouse.
Reflecting on the importance of your union would encourage you to put in the effort to correct your errors and ultimately fix your marriage.
GIVE THEM TIME
You also have to be aware that the whole situation will be tough for your spouse and so giving them space will be considerate on your part.
You have to give them time and be patient while still making the necessary amends on your part to fix your marriage.
Steps on How to Fix Your Marriage When Trust is Broken By Your Partner
ACCEPT THEIR APOLOGY
If your marriage matters to you, the least you can do is to accept the apology of your spouse.
It hurts that they have altered how you perceived them. It hurts that things are no longer the same for you, but if you still desire your marriage you have to be hopeful that things could get better. It all starts with accepting your spouse’s apology and hoping that they are truly sorry.
Your partner could be genuinely sorry, you have to forgive them to encourage them to change. You being willing to forgive them proves that you also want the relationship and a good spouse won’t want to take your hurt for granted.
One reason why you should consider forgiving them is the fact that the error they commit might be an honest mistake or a flaw they are also struggling with. While your feelings also matter, if you still desire the marriage and you see they are genuinely sorry, then it’s recommended that you accept the apology. This would encourage them to make a change.
To err is human and to forgive is divine, that’s a phrase you ain’t hearing for the first time. Your spouse has erred and apologized, they have even gone further to make amends, and the least you can do is to support them. There are many ways your action can come as support especially if their actions were a result of a helpless flaw in theirs.
Do not bring up the past: This step is a key component in fixing your marriage when trust is broken. Your partner is already sorry and trying to make amends, you need to make it easy and support them by not bringing up the past. If you keep bringing up the past, you are showing them that their effort was not worth it and the past deeds are here to stay. They might just get discouraged to make further amends. It’s not also serving you as you keep dealing with the past without forging ahead.
GET PROFESSIONAL HELP
It might be overwhelming for you to handle. If you can’t seem to forgive your partner after the trust has been breached or if you are the one who erred and you don’t seem to know the right steps to take to fix your marriage, then you might need to involve the service of a paid counselor.
Please avoid, your family friends, neighbors, and other relatives, you don’t want them meddling and sharing their unprofessional opinions. Seek the help of a professional. If your marriage means anything to you and you don’t seem to be able to handle it, then it’s the right time to involve a professional. A professional would give you directives and take a proper overview of things as a third party.
It might be tough to reinstall trust once broken, but there are remedies to try out that can make the situation better. A lot of marriages have suffered trust issues in the past and they were able to overcome them. If you are willing, you can also fix your marriage even after the trust has been broken.