No one decides to walk down the aisle and later have everything broken up.
When you think about the resources, what people will say, the time spent in marriage, and the children the union has produced, you might have every reason to try to fix your broken marriage. It’s not simple, but it’s not impossible to fix a broken marriage.
Causes of Broken Marriage
Let’s look at what causes broken marriages. Knowing the cause would make you to have a better understand on how to fix a broken marriage, be it your marriage or for counseling as a therapist.
- Improper courtship
It starts from the genesis of the relationship which is in the courtship period. A lot of couples spend their courtship having romance and ignoring the red flags. They just feel that somehow they will get it in marriage, then marriage comes and they begin to realize that this wasn’t what they wanted and then the marriage faces the threat of breaking up.
- Different goals and priorities
This is also a cause of broken marriages and it usually occurs when the courtship period was not properly utilized. Usually, two individuals would have different goals, but you need to find out if you can meet a compromise otherwise there would be disaster ahead. Instead of figuring it out during courtship, some couples jump into marriage. After you’ve been together for a time, you notice that your partner does not share your viewpoint. One partner might want kids, another pets, one wants to travel while the other want to invest the resources.
These issues can be a source of conflict.
There are a variety of reasons why couples argue about priorities, and it can get overwhelming at times and lead to a broken marriage.
- No communication
One of the leading causes of broken marriages is a lack of communication. Couples’ bonds are weakened when they cease sharing things and expressing themselves. When couples no longer communicate, they are bound to misunderstand each other and they then fall apart.
- The romance spark fades
For most marriages, with time, the passion dissipates, and couples stop displaying affection and concern for one another. Other issues of life sets in, bills to pay and future to plan. The connection fades over time, and the marriage loses its delight. A marriage may be broken as a result of this.
- Life challenges
Every marriage face one challenge or the other. It could be a loss of job, and fertility and they can either strengthen or weaken a marriage. How spouses help each other in difficult situations impacts how good or awful their relationship will become. When partners do not support each other, it indicates that their marriage is broken.
Cheating on your lover can be the end of your marriage: because trust — one of the pillars of a successful partnership, has been lost. Healing a broken marriage due to infidelity is difficult and should be avoided at all costs.
How To Fix A Broken Marriage
After looking at the causes, let’s get into how to fix a broken marriage.
To fix a broken marriage, you should evaluate your feelings and the circumstances because you don’t want to waste time and effort if your relationship is truly over. If you both have the desire to rekindle the marriage relationship then you might want to consider the following.
1. Reflect on what caused you to fall in love.
It’s sad to think that your once blissful and enviable marriage is broken. Reflect on when you were first together and first in love, and write down what made you fall in love with each other. Consider what it was, about this individual that drew you to them and made you want to be with them. Remembering the good old days when you were young and in love might help to elevate your spirits and fix your broken marriage.
When you reflect on their best qualities, you might discover that they’re still there. It’s could help you to realize that they are still that Romeo or Juliet you once fell for.
2. Listening to each other
Resume your conversations and begin to communicate with one another. You most likely have stopped communicating and listening to each other, which has caused you to drift apart and broken your marriage. Pay attention to what your partner is saying and then encourage them to do the same when you speak.
Make it a goal to listen to each other again, and it might be the key to rediscovering what was previously wonderful about your relationship and why is it worth fixing.
3. Figure out the cause of the broken marriage
One step to restoring your marriage is to be able to place a finger on what caused it in the first place. I mean, how can you administer drugs for an ailment when you don’t know what it is exactly.
It’s crucial to figure out what’s causing a broken marriage before you can fix it. Once you can figure out what is keeping you apart, you can look into the solution. Is it an issue of hygiene, is it your lousiness, is it different priorities, is it third parties coming in, or did you simply make a mistake? All these have to be figured out so you could fix them.
4. Commit to each other
It is not an easy task to fix a broken marriage. If you have been able to figure out the cause of the broken marriage, you need to decide if it’s what you both want. If it isn’t and you want to be back together and better than before, then it takes commitment from both ends. You have to be committed to making it work.
Some people have a hard time committing, which leads to more issues. Commitment is the first step on how to fix a broken marriage. It requires you to be intentional and dedicated to fixing it.
5. Never let your relationship be derailed by distractions.
Distractions in the form of childcare, a career, and a variety of other responsibilities, can cause couples to drift apart and ultimately break their marriage.
Try dating again, talking more, and ensuring that you are still united; no matter how hectic life becomes. Continue to date your partner, as dating is the key to fixing a broken marriage.
It helps because you can hold yourselves accountable to one another by scheduling days to meet with each other and putting aside all distractions.
Ladies tend to let their children distract them, while men tend to let their careers and work get in the way. The key is to find a balance but always prioritize your marriage if you don’t want it to break.
6. Find a way to re-establish effective communication
If you wish to fix a broken marriage, you need to consider what it would take to re-establish communication. Make a treat exclusively for the two of you. Commit to talking for at least a few minutes every night. Make time for each other by going on dates. You need to spend time together so you could reconnect and consequently restore the broken marriage.
7. Take care of yourself first.
If you want to fix what’s broken in your marriage, you must first examine and work on yourself. You can not be right in all aspects. You need to evaluate those things your partner complained about. You need to implore empathy and put yourself in their shoes so you could understand how your deeds could also have affected them.
We’re not perfect, but it will work out if you’re both prepared to work on yourself first, then on your marriage. Remember that you should be confident in yourself and complete so that your partner does not have to bear the brunt of your relationship’s weight. Endeavour to work yourself also.
8. Express your desires to your partner.
In any relationship, marriage inclusive, you have to bear in mind that your partner is not a mind reader. You would be shocked that they could never guess what’s wrong except you speak. Working by assumption is dangerous, so don’t sit there interpreting things wrongly.
Your partner may be completely unaware of the situation, while you resent him/her and recall all the things he/she has failed to do.
Your partner is still getting to know you more and more. One thing is true about human nature, which is the fact that they are bound to change. You are a changing being and your partner might be working with the old version of you. As a result, we should refrain from making assumptions, and the simple remedy is to tell your partner what you desire.
Start expressing yourself the more and your would be marveled at how much of an impact it can have in fixing your broken marriage.
9. Make a list of all your spouse’s positive qualities that you admire.
One technique on how to fix a broken marriage is to make a list of your spouse’s excellent characteristics and appreciate them. The use of this technique will be determined by the reason for your marriage’s demise.
You can utilize this strategy if your marriage fell apart due to differences in priorities, crisis, bad communication, or even money.
Your partner can not be all-around bad so make a list of all of their positive characteristics.
You need to remind yourself of the benefits the partnership holds for you. Your partner may not share your values, but he/she cooks well, works hard, loves you unconditionally, and doesn’t drink or smoke.
We place far more emphasis on what we can’t see than on what we can. It will be easier to make an effort and find strategies to rebuild a broken marriage if you can appreciate what your partner can do.
10. Establish ground rules
You need to study the trend of your marital issues and make rules to guide you both. For instance, if the issue involves family members, then you can make rules guiding how they visit. If the issue is on spending habits, you can create a diary for accountability. Whatever be the case, just be committed to following the rules and fixing your broken marriage.
11. Be physically intimate with each other
I know you have had a lot of quarrels, a lot of doubts about the marriage, and a lot of shouting. You need to take counter measures that would resolve your issue. You can give intimacy a try. Intimacy does not have to be limited to sex.
Understand how to use the magic of touch to save a failing marriage. Cuddle each other, hug, and caress each other. Simple acts of contact and kindness can help you bond by releasing love chemicals like oxytocin, which could also help you reclaim your marriage’s love and affection.
The more intimate you get, the less likely it is for you to get into conflicts. Intimacy builds up a lot of oxytocin and dopamine that would build a strong counter against conflict. Includng this might just do the magic of fixing your broken marriage.
12. Respect should be brought in.
In any relationship, respect is essential. Your issue might have arisen as a result of its lack. Begin learning how to fix your marriage by ensuring that you both appreciate each other. Don’t belittle your spouse, no matter how upset you are.
In the face of conflict, don’t lose it. That’s not the time to bring up their past and you it against them. Even raising your voice at your spouse can be disrespectful. Every act of disrespect can build up resentment in your spouse and cause a broken marriage.
You can no longer take back your utterances; if you tell your spouse they are useless or incompetent. Whatever the issue is, as long as it isn’t an abuse or infidelity, you can solve it if you respect one another and this could be a good strategy to fix a broken marriage.
13. Reconnect with one another
We wake up one day and realize we don’t know our spouse as well as we used to because of our hectic schedules, children, and stress. Then it dawns on us that we are falling apart. Distractions and different priorities get in and gradually broke your marriage up.
Make efforts to discover how to fix a broken marriage by committing to reconnecting with each other. Identify the distractions and discover the system that would work out for you. If it is children, make it a routine to always cuddle in bed at night and give yourselves updates on what went on during your days at work.
Reconnecting with each other will allow you to better comprehend each other’s perspectives and fix the broken marriage.
14. Learn the art of compromise
For a marriage to work, compromise has to be implemented. You have to find a meaning pointing. Everyone has to make sacrifices. When the sacrifice is one-sided, resentment will set in.
You mind just find that the solution to your broken marriage wasn’t rocket science after all. It might just require you to compromise.
It could be you learning to return home earlier so your partner doesn’t get worried, whatever it is, so long as it is rational and not detrimental to you, do well to compromise and your broken marriage might just get fixed.
15. Seek professional assistance
Could your issues be beyond you both? Could there be something that needs the perspective of a third party? This third party has to be a professional because you don’t want any random inexperienced person contributing to your marriage.
Your parents might not be the perfect third party, they only understand theirs and not yours. Not even your pastor is qualified to give you advice. Some professionals have been trained and incensed on this subject so don’t jorpodise your marriage.
If you are facing a broken marriage at the moment, it is not a pleasurable situation to find yourself in but it’s all part of life. Conflicts must arise. Most enviable marriages have their secret challenges. They only remained because they were dedicated and intentional about fixing it.
If you give the above steps a try, you might just end up getting your desire and fixing your broken marriage. Cheers!
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