I Am In Love With A Narcissist. What Should I Do?

I Am In Love With A Narcissist. What Should I Do?
I Am In Love With A Narcissist. What Should I Do?

Lady Kay had just finished dressing up and she sat down to wait for her fiancé. They had an event invite to honor, and a date night afterwards. Well, Jack seems to be the best man on earth, but to himself. He parks his ‘98 Chevrolet Silverado by the driveway and alights with all confidence and a broad smile.

Kay excitingly walked out of the house all dressed, hoping that they would leave immediately since the day was yet to begin. Here goes Jack nagging again, “who parked the red Lambo and why was it in front of your house? I would have insisted that he comes to move the vehicle because that was meant to be my parking spot.” Kay hurriedly hugged Jack, she was already used to his unending comparisons and frequent “irrational” complaints. Jack continued, “I would have gotten this vehicle if I wanted to, I’m just used to my Chevy and I hope the dude knows I’m not for a ride. He better not try this next time.”

Kay asked for them to leave since they had to grace the first occasion before sitting out for their night. Jack then paid better attention to Kay this time and eventually he frowned. He was not happy with the cloth Kay was putting on. “Why are you not dressed in the lilac gown?” he asked. He continued with the explanation of how he had always admired the fitting of the gown and the way the color mixed with her complexion to produce a seemingly glorious effect. He insisted the gown was the perfect gown and had Kay change into it.

On their way to the event, Jack continued to talk about how important he was to the celebrant and how he was supposed to occupy an exalted position in the night’s occasion. He delved into telling stories of how he had done so much, as to the level of his contribution with regards to the success of the celebrant. He praised himself a lot and would always look at Kay and smile. She was the best thing that had happened to Jack but then he would not see it. She always smiled back at him.

When they got to the event, Jack as always was too quick to make jest of other guests. He would walk up to one and then to another with this demeaning laughter as he always had something to say to bully them. Kay was uncomfortable but she had to stick by her man, not until she saw a group of ladies who happened to be her friends. She stood with them for a glass of wine and pleasantries as Jack moved to meet the celebrant.

In some minutes, Jack hurriedly walked towards Kay and asked that they leave the event immediately. She was confused, but was love stricken and not going to challenge Jack. She knew what consequences would abound if such a thing happened.

The night had already met its end at that point. Jack felt humiliated by his friend, the celebrant because there was no special recognition planned for him like he envisioned. He was so bitter and complained how he was not meant to be on same level as the other guys who enjoyed the party. When Kay suggested they should go ahead with the date night as planned, he ruled it out entirely calling Kay inconsiderate to situations and events. Eventually it was home.

This has been the case for Kay and for so many other ladies out there, but she had been bound by the chains of love. The fact that she is now blind to these happenings continue to marvel people, and she is now more interested in seeking ways to manage the situation better.

Who Is A Narcissist?

A narcissist is one who is in love with an idealized splendid image of himself/herself. They tend to fall in love with this magnificent self-image because it allows them to avoid the deep feelings of insecurity. Narcissism does not mean self-love, at least not of a genuine sort. It involves a pattern of self-centered, arrogant thinking and behavior, lack of empathy and consideration for other people, and an excessive need for praise and recognition.

It takes a lot to live in a delusion, so much to live a lie and hence there are resulting traits and dysfunctional behaviors developed when an individual nurses narcissism.

Some of the traits worthy of note includes, but are not limited to:

  • An inflated sense of self importance
  • A mind preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty etc.
  • Demand for excessive praise and admiration
  • A sense of entitlement
  • Empathy loss
  • Envy for others or the feeling that people are envious of him
  • Takes advantage of people to achieve their own ends

I Am In Love With A Narcissist. What Should I Do?

The most important step to make while dealing with a narcissist is to ensure that you don’t get caught up in their web of unending fantasies. It is true that narcissists are good at convincing people since they tend to be so charming and magnetic. Who would not fall for the apparent confidence and lofty dreams, a flattering and amazing self-image that draws us in?

  • You Must Focus On Your Own Dreams

Do not allow the teasers of a narcissist to make you relent in pursuing your goals. What must you do for yourself? This question has to always be in your mouth to save you from falling for mere fantasies and creating a more fulfilling reality.

  • See Narcissists As They Are

 If he or she treats others badly, lies, manipulates and hurts them, then it is worthy to note that the same gesture would be extended to you in no time. The fantasy that you will be spared because you are different is an irrational belief.

  • There Is A High Tendency That Your Needs Would Not Be Met

 I understand you feel love, but then he or she doesn’t understand love the rational way. Narcissists aren’t looking for partners, they are hunting for obedient admirers. Your desires and feelings don’t count, you are just there most likely to remind them of how great they are. A prop up to their insatiable ego.

There must be boundaries set up, to help curtail some excesses. It is worthy to note that not minding the fact that healthy relationships are based on mutual care and respect, narcissists aren’t capable to truly reciprocate this in their relationships. What’s more to do with a sense of entitlement than to regularly violate boundaries?

  • Make A Plan And Set Your Friendship For Success. Evaluate your options with a narcissist in the picture and make a realistic plan.
  • Consider A Gentle Approach

 If you really want to preserve the relationship. There is a tendency to create hurt when you point out the faults of a narcissist. Remain calm when they get defensive or react in anger, you can revisit the issue later.

  • You Must As Well Not Set Up Boundaries That You Cannot Keep Till The End

Once you back down on any decisions, you will be considered as unserious. Once you intend to take charge of your life, the narcissist is bound to feel threat and he maybe angered. Make sure to give room for changes in the relationship because things cannot remain the same way. They may step up demands, give distance as punishment to coarse you into rethinking. It is up to you to stand strong. It is important that you do not take things personally when dealing with a narcissist. They are bound to deny shortcomings and cruel instincts and they easily do this by projecting their faults on others.

  • You Have To Know Who You Are.

 Don’t buy into the narcissist’s version of who you are, don’t let the blame game belittle your esteem. You must not house the negativity, hence do not accept undeserved responsibility.

  • Flee From Every Form Of Argument.

No matter the level of your rationality, it doesn’t get into the ears of a narcissist. Don’t engage, just disagree with their judgment and move on.

  • Try As Much As Possible To Not Seek Approval From A Narcissist.

 Detach from the opinion of a narcissist and the desire to please them at your own cost. See the truth for what it is and not what they make it be.

Final Note

You can seek to get support from external sources. Spending time with people who help you see yourself for who you are is a good development. It gives you the chance to experience healthy relationships and heal the hurt that you are already accustomed to. Consider what love would do for you if you really loved. It could cause you change in order to make him feel happy not minding if it was in the direction of good or bad. Bad has never been the better option. Try patience consciously, and see if the other party (narcissist) is willing to change. If not, you must consider saving yourself. Also note that when dealing with narcissists, do not take things personal, because they actually don’t know what they are doing, and even when they do, they can’t relate to the effect of their attitudes on you, therefore there is a need for external support and frequent interaction with persons outside the orbit of the narcissist is encouraged.

References

https://www.helpguide.org / I-am-In-Love-With-a-Narcissist

https://www.helpguide.org/articles/mental-disorders/narcissistic-personality-disorder.htm/ I-am-In-Love-With-a-Narcissist

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