How to Fix a Marriage With a Narcissist – Living with a narcissistic spouse is not usually easy. You can keep your temper in control. No matter how much attention you give your spouse, he or she will never be satisfied.
They sometimes try to present themselves as a better version of you in front of others. This should not be the reason who will allow your loving family to break out. It could be worked on to fix your marriage if there is a combined effort.
Imagine living with a person who has the following characteristics:
- Self-centered. All they want is anything beneficial to them without considering other people’s feelings.
- Arrogant thinking. Their thoughts are usually the best. They act arrogantly regardless of the consequences.
- Lack of empathy. They’re usually unapologetic. They don’t care if they annoy you or not. They hardly show concern.
- Not considering others. Another person is not on their agenda. All they want is what pleases them.
- Excessive need for admiration. They want the whole attention. They just want to be celebrated and appreciated every time.
- Believing others are inferior. You are worthless in the sight of a narcissist. No matter how beautiful, hardworking, understanding, loving, etc. He or she will not acknowledge it.
The qualities mentioned above are the characters or traits of a narcissist.
Who is a narcissist?
A narcissist is an egocentric person so concerned about his way of being regardless of the conditions of others.
He prefers to be admired and praised. He believes his work is the best.
Narcissist spouses don’t love someone. It is always difficult for them because they don’t trust themselves.
They are so focused on themselves that they cannot see their partner’s needs.
According to relationship experts, this self-centeredness makes them find it very rare to sustain a relationship for more than six months to a few years. But with much care and love, they tend to stay longer.
They lack compassion. They are self-important.
They lack the motivation to maintain a pretense.
They don’t easily love but when they do, immediately the love fades, and errors, flaws, or, fault-finding commences.
There are signs to figure out if your spouse is a narcissist.
- Flaunting rules.
- Fear of abandonment.
- Unreasonable expectation.
- Monopoly on the conversation.
- No regard for others.
- Fixation with appearance.
Can my marriage be fixed with a narcissist?
Yes, it can.
Recently, people who have been going for counseling have been giving testimonies on how they were able to fix their marriage.
Yours is not a different thing but more efforts are required to be applied to achieve it effectively. Marriage with this kind of person is not that simple. But your marriage is very important.
How to fix your marriage with a narcissist
Below are how to fix your marriage with a narcissist.
- Accept them.
- Speak up.
- Set boundaries.
- Stop focusing on them.
- Notice the lack of empathy.
- Become educated about narcissism.
- Assist them.
- Encourage therapy.
- Acknowledge emotion.
- Don’t imitate your spouse.
- Don’t hate your spouse.
- Cultivate healthy relationships.
- Commit your marriage to God.
1. Accept them.
Spouses with narcissists don’t believe that any other person is a special or an elite. To fix a marriage with a narcissist, you need to accept them for who they are.
Don’t judge them or hate them. Their behavior is inert. Accept their ego. Understand their feelings. Since you’ve already known their traits and signs, accommodate them.
Make them feel welcomed and accepted. Tolerate their excesses. Maintain a good relationship with them despite their short empathy.
In the brokenness of the marriage, accept them for who they are and your marriage will be getting fixed.
2. Speak up.
This time around don’t keep silent.
Speak up for yourself.
Ignoring or walking away during a misunderstanding is an appropriate way of fixing marriages. No doubt. But not in all cases.
In this kind of issue, you need to speak up.
Let him know that you are tired of tolerating his excesses. Try to do this in a calm and respectful tone in order not to get him angry.
Your narcissistic spouse collected money in your family’s account to purchase expensive clothes. Don’t cry in silence. Tell him or her how bad you felt.
Notify them of how bad you are being treated after accepting to marry them despite all the odds and challenges he was facing.
Tell them how their words and conduct impart your life.
Remember, be specific and consistently tell them their characteristics that are not acceptable.
Remind him how bad his egoism makes you feel.
3. Set boundaries.
What Boundaries? To fix your marriage m, don’t forget that a narcself-absorbedly is self-absorbed.
They might think they have the effrontery to do anything they want not minding what might come up after.
Tell them what you can do and the extent it can last.
They aren’t concerned about you, they are just self-important. Show them how important you are by setting boundaries.
Do what pleases you both. Don’t consider only him or her. Make sure it’s not an idle threat. Talk about the consequences if you will be able to carry it out as stated. Otherwise, they won’t take it seriously next time.
Let’s say your wife loves being admired all the time. She loves it when you buy gifts for her, treat her like a queen and make her feel cherished.
And since you got married to her, she has not in any way shown you how much she loves you. No gifting. No appraisal.
This time you need to set boundaries by telling her that you won’t treat her the way you do until she reciprocates.
Make sure you keep to your words to avoid being taken for granted.
4. Stop focusing on them.
Narcissists appreciate the attention to the core. But this is not the main reason you should only focus on them.
If not, you might soon fight yourself by abiding by their tactics. Then your own needs will be taken to the mud just to get them satisfied.
Marriage is not like that. Everything shared in marriage should be mutual.
Once it is becoming one-sided, stop focusing on them.
Know that you cannot break their attention-seeking behavior no matter how you live to satisfy their needs.
Learn to deal with a narcissistic spouse. Let them have a chance to have much control over you.
Always remind yourself of your goals, desires, and goals.
To fix the Brokenness of your marriage with a narcissist, learn to stop focusing on them alone. Give them a reason why you chose to live that way.
Don’t let them pressure you because you won’t survive and don’t be harsh on them.
Love them and care for them but not to an extent of losing your priorities.
Immediately, the narcissistic spouse discovers that you’re no longer focusing on them, he or she will try making amends to sustain the marriage.
5. Notice lack of empathy.
Narcissistic spouses find it very easy to be self-centered or self-important. Your spouse’s priority is on oneself. They are not willing to show empathy for someone else. They don’t easily recognize your feelings, interests, and personal values.
By knowing all these, you know how to go about with them. How to treat them and how they lack empathy for someone they offend.
This will trigger how to live with them happily to fix your marriage.
6. Become educated about narcissism.
Education is the key. Having studied the behavior of narcissistic individuals, you are now aware of their attitude.
This knowledge will go a long way to help you know how to deal with their excesses.
Since you know about them, you don’t get angry easily. Your tolerance is high because you already know their way of life.
Any spouse who studies narcissistic persons usually copes with them.
Don’t forget to practice what you have learned.
To marry, study more concerning narcissistic people and how to live happily with them.
By doing this, the brokenness of your marriage is fixed.
7. Assist your spouse.
Beware that narcissism doesn’t only come from birth. Some got it from family traits, careers, or friends.
If your narcissistic spouse seems open-minded and asks for help. Help him or her.
Give your spouse reasons why he or she should stop being egocentric. Share in his or her pain. Let him feel concerned about your help.
8. Encourage therapy.
Therapy means the treatment to heal disorders. So to fix your marriage with a narcissist, ask for professional help.
As humans, our wisdom is limited. Stop dying in silence. This might not be easy because she might not accept going with you. But try and let him or her accept it.
This professional assistance would go a long way to fixing your marriage.
9. Acknowledge the emotion.
The emotions of narcissists are different from others. Since all they have in mind is self-satisfaction don’t bother about any other person.
Acknowledge their emotions and take it easy with them.
Never take their emotions for granted. But don’t allow them to control your world.
10. Don’t imitate your spouse.
Imitating your spouse will never solve any problem rather it will increase the pitfalls in your marriage.
Don’t be egocentric just because you discovered that your spouse has the same.
For instance, your husband enjoys doing things that please him alone. He only wants to be catered for.
You should not imitate him. If you do, your marriage issues will not be fixed.
11. Don’t hate your spouse.
Hatred triggers the following in marriage.
- Domestic violence.
- Lack of respect.
- Offensive words.
- Lack of trust.
When you hate your partner simply because he is narcissistic, your marriage is falling. Try in any way possible to be helpful. Tolerate him the way you can for the sake of your marriage.
Once you allow hatred to emanate in the relationship, everything becomes extremely worse in the family. Keeping malice will become the other of the day.
My neighbor destroyed his marriage because he married a narcissist. His wife was very self-centered. She just wants to be admired and given attention. She has never in a day shown care to her husband.
As a result of these, he developed so much hatred for his wife which led to domestic violence and they went their different ways.
Hatred should not be employed in marriage because if care is not taken it brings total separation.
12. Cultivate a healthy relationship.
Narcissists are based on me, myself, and I. But with too much love and care, they could be changed after much love and care.
Avoid things that might bring misunderstanding or malice.
Have a peaceful mindset with your spouse.
Let the relationship be healthy by doing the following:
- Going out on dates
- Satisfying your spouse sexually
- Buying of gifts
- Making her happy
- Don’t judge your spouse
- Remember good times
- Initiate clear community
Just to mention a few.
If these are done. Be happy because your marriage is fixed.
13. Commit everything to God.
God created us in His image. So there is nothing he cannot do.
Once marriage gets us frustrated and confused. We must call him in. He will fix it. There is nothing impossible for Him to do.
Pray for your spouse. Ask God to let him listen to you. Let him care for you the way you do.
Don’t get tired of praying, until you see results.
What God has brought together, let no one put asunder.
Pray with him or her and await God’s miracle.
Marriage is indeed heaven on earth when there is peace and harmony. Getting married to an egocentric or narcissistic person is not enough reason to quit your marriage.
You can fix it.
Divorce is not good.
No matter how self-centered or selfish they are, they can stay in the marriage.
Don’t allow friends to destroy your marriage for you.
Speak positive things about your marriage.
Maintain decent relationships.
Don’t give room for cheating and lying.
They eradicate healthy relationships in marriage.
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