Are expectations good in a relationship?

Two things can destroy any relationship, unrealistic expectations and poor communication.

Vividly speaking, having expectations in a relationship and letting yourself get overrun with ideas and belief on how you feel should be the best reaction and conduct from your partner, it will open a great deal of inevitable disappointment to you. This is why in most cases, expectations ruin relationships without hesitation.

We can’t control how other people act or question their choices. It’s their right, and they shouldn’t be made to feel sorry for ’em. It’s almost impossible to have a perfect relationship, but we could find relationships that are near perfection. How can one achieve this? By taking time to mould yours into any form you want. But I would advise you to mould yours into a healthy relationship anyways.


Healthy relationships are built on trust, reciprocal respect, commitment, equality, understanding and honesty. These characteristics are to be displayed by both parties. In a way, conflicts can be a healthy action performed as it paves the way for better understanding and levelled agreement. But to avoid getting hurt, maturity should be applied while setting expectations in a relationship.

Expectations in a relationship at the beginning or in the long run, high or low, or perhaps going ballistic each time someone does not deliver according to your plans, could completely bring your relationship to a moribund stage.

Let’s face reality, it’s okay to want a reciprocated love story, or probably to be treated as a priority. It only gets worse when you fail to understand your partner’s state of affairs and expect them to love their lives exclusively on the relationship. This is more of the reason you should master the art of managing expectations in relationships from the onset and in the long run.


Six years ago, my fiance left the country for a very vital business trip. His absence created an enormous room for boredom and made me miss him a lot. I was only left in the comfort of my crazy – ass girlfriends.

My fiance and I texted and called each other every passing minute. It was a whole lot of adventure for us, but I needed more; I needed a real experience. Whenever I was in a very bad mood, he calls to cheer me up, I could just feel the extent of his love hovering in the air.

On a very hot afternoon, my girls had asked me out on a date, fully aware I haven’t had a really nice date in such a long time. I hated the fact that the date was scheduled to be in the afternoon. I went anyways. When I got there, we had fun as though we were going to die young. Later on, we decided to move to many other places to engage in more exciting fun activities. I was so excited that I couldn’t wait to spill my entire encounter to my fiance.


I had called him late that night, after a warm and caressing bath. I was sounding all buoyant. The least expectation I had was to get a very dull and pissy reaction from him, he sounded as though he were jealous of my friends and was practically hiding under the clumsy excuse of being in a terrible mood and being all negative about work.

When I tried to ascertain the root of the situation from him, it was as though he was shutting me out. I was so mad and upset that he ruined my night, so I eventually took the infantile step of hanging upon him.


I couldn’t sleep, I was so angry. The more I thought about it, the more I was hit by the realization of how badly I had reacted that night. Suddenly I had a huge aha moment. I had expected my fiance to be in the same mood as me, instead of utterly considering the fact that he had his own switches to handle.

I felt so sorry and wished I was there when he really needed me. Expectations! What exactly am I driving at?

Everyone has the right to act whichever way they choose to and whenever. If I wasn’t patient enough, I would have found myself considering the idea of a breakup for a problem I caused myself due to my level of expectation.

Basing your joyful moments based on other people’s reactions will definitely leave you hurt. You’re not being asked to expect anything or ask nothing of anyone. In fact, it’s better you open up to them and voice out exactly what’s on your mind at that very instance. It’s the right thing to do. But forcing your problems and or opinions on them and expecting them to adjust or react exactly the way you want them to is totally wrong.

Naturally, humans want to be treated with tremendous love, care, respect, equality and most times a priority not minding the underlying key factors. Be careful not to let these expectations mess with your head,and leave your already beautiful relationship in broken pieces.

Our happiness in a relationship is based on our extent of wants and needs in it. The way we want to interact effectively and the way we want it to flow is all up to us.

What we expect and what we would get in return should be carefully crafted out. So let’s dive in and see.

1. When we want our partner to keep to their promise of “ALWAYS AND FOREVER”


Indeed, most of the relationships we believed to have evolved from trust usually starts with ALWAYS AND FOREVER.

In as much as these flowery words can sink right into the soul, it has proven to be a promise that is hardly kept. Being promised a forever commitment does not entail that the storyline may not change. A sweet and romantic relationship can come to a halt when an obstacle or an Intruder( someone more attractive) features in the picture.

Anyone can suddenly want out and eventually break up, leaving you wondering how a perfect relationship could so easily be diminished.


Truth be told, finding a new attractive person and eventually breaking up with one’s partner is nobody’s fault at all it’s a thing of choice. If this eventually happens, we know it’s going to be a tough one, but that doesn’t mean you are not reserved the right to move on in another stable healthy relationship or that one has failed in their role in the relationship.

What should we bank on? We should consider the fact that promises could be broken at any point in time, certainly don’t always expect the best from them, rather embrace those words as trials.

2. Expecting our partners to know our every need without voicing them.


We do not mind readers, we’re humans. Some are complicated and have different levels of understanding.

It takes a whole lot of effort and constant transparent communication and understanding for your partner to understand a visible indication of what you’re trying to say or perhaps to understand what you need through coded emojis and facial twitches or body expressions. Having expectations that they should understand without communicating vocally or getting all cheesed off when they fail to carry out those actions is totally not cute.

3. Settling for supposed perfection


Settling for something less or bridging your own standard is totally wrong.

They say expectations are not to be communicated. And yes! It shouldn’t.

All you have to do is carefully and patiently examine what you want in your relationship. Then sit down and engage in communicating those needs to your partner. Don’t be scared of how vulnerable it will make you feel. If you feel it’s too jumbo for you to handle, I’d politely suggest you wait till you’re ready to fully be involved in a relationship.

4. Expecting your partner to devote their time exclusively on the relationship.


Leading a fun relationship is healthy. In fact, it speeds up the chemistry and takes it to the apex level. It’s cool if your partner should pay attention to the relationship. But expecting them to neglect others could stir up a lasting misunderstanding.

Perhaps, when this expectation is not met, you may feel poorly treated.
Honestly, we all have our lives to live. We all have agendas that exclude our relationships partly.

Placing yourself as a top priority and forcing them to shut friends and family out of their lives is not fair at all. As couples in a healthy relationship, compromise should be one of the leading factors.

In conclusion, the truth about expectations in a relationship is something most of us would want to avert, but candidly, we all need it to maintain a healthy relationship.

We create our own problems by engaging ourselves in expectations that would eventually not be met. Thereby getting totally disappointed and hurt. Couples in a healthy relationship should consider that the lesser the expectation, the lesser the hurt.

Being fully committed to your partner, being transparent and understanding each other rather than expecting our partners to be the perfect (prince/princess) charming is a great start.

All it takes is to know what you want and feel it, remain positive and view the incoming negativities as an inevitable trial for something great. Never compromise your principles or neglect communicating your needs.

Expect just the best that can be achieved through the mutual respect you both have for each other. Nothing is perfect, it can only get healthier. So don’t base your expectations on the best, rather enjoy the breeze and happy moments that your healthy relationship would fetch you.