Is your marriage begging for a divorce?
The signs you’re giving up on your marriage but don’t really want to call it a quit, or when you feel your partner is giving up on you and you don’t want to lose them, can be terrifying. There are sure things to try first to get back on track and strengthen your marriage.
It is true that marriage can turn out bad, that you will begin to regret the day you met him/her. Nothing is interesting anymore and your partner isn’t helping also. Do not quit marriage yet until you’re done with these helpful tips to try when your marriage isn’t working.
I have seen many people cry because of marriage and a lot of people come to me for marriage advice. I’m prone to receiving several marriage questions from, especially women who are not happy with their marriage. Some of which have asked me “my husband is giving up on our marriage, what should I do?“, “things aren’t as I expected, I want to give up on my marriage is it too soon?” and so many other questions you could imagine for a woman/man who’s very unhappy about his/her marriage life.
Couples who want to file a divorce and go their separate ways, but still not sure, and trying to find reasons not to give up on marriage should first learn a few things they need to do on this post.
- See also: When Should I Let A Relationship Go?
The truth must be told, are you getting married soon or you’re already married? Marriage isn’t a bed of roses, it has its ups and downs. But if it isn’t working for you at the moment, it doesn’t mean it will be so forever. Some marriage issues are temporal, I will share with you tips on how I saved my marriage.
7 Things to try before giving up on marriage
Do not lose hope, when it seems everything has gone wrong and your marriage is ending soon, but do not bring it to an end until you try these seven things first.
1. Do not tell friends yet, talk to your partner
Be cautious of people you discuss your marriage problems with “Friends”, marriage should have secrets not known to others who’re not part of it.
When two come together “husband & wife”, they believe they can handle marriage hiccups. Stay under the same roof and iron problems out without publishing it to outsiders. Remember it is a man and a woman, who’re in the relationship “Marriage”. Not a little girl and boy kind of relationship.
Funny enough, most people you talk to about your marriage problems might have a more complex marital issue than you. But approaches differ, that’s probably why you think they’re happily married that you. That there’re not telling you does not mean they’re absolutely happy with their marriage. Don’t be too loose about your marriage problems.
Do not assume that telling your friends will proffer a better solution. If you’re beginning to feel something wrong is happening in your marriage, do not drag to talk to your partner about it. Don’t expect that things will normalize in the long run, without actions. Start acting while the problem is still on the foot level before it encroaches the relationship in whole.
2. Find out the cause before you quit your marriage
To every effect there’s a cause – The law of cause and effect made me believe so.
There are certain changes in a marriage that are healthy. It is nice to acknowledge this. Your ability to differentiate between healthy and unhealthy marriage changes will place you on the strategic point of knowing when things are falling off the track.
Some changes in marriage can be due to a shift in; work hours, having a kid(s), financial troubles, not being in the mood for intimacy, constant voyage, extended family issues, mental or physical health-related problems. Such situations can be circumstantial.
A few of the above-mentioned circumstances will help you ascertain what’s going on in your marriage. How critical is the issue, is it temporal and can you both get rid of it? Or is the environment for your relationship totally negative and something you can’t continue with?
Chances are high, that once you’re able to determine the status of your relationship “MARRIAGE”. You can anticipate if it is something that can be worked on or not.
3. Spend more time with your partner
Learn how to spend quality time with your partner, find out what can spin up more passionate moments. Practice interesting activities like you use to do at the beginning of the relationship. This will by far, bring pleasure to the aching marriage.
Physical affection in marriage can reduce to a great extent emotional stress.
You don’t fix a failing marriage by avoiding your partner or choosing to contact them over the phone, text or emails instead.
The physical feeling and facial expressions while talking to your spouse, have a great impact to tell what the future holds in the marriage. Your physical affection can help sustain a deeper connection that will revive the supposed bond in your marriage.
Trust me, even a romantic approach or a kiss with your partner on the couch can spice up the moment and put a smile on your faces once again. Come back here again, and tell me how it really worked out for you.
4. Settle conflicts with competence
Do not be too fast to react to issues, a minute pause and ponder can save your marriage.
Conflicts are inevitable in marriages, even the couples who you look up to as your role models are having one. There’s no need sugarcoating a thing here, “that there exist a conflict-free marriage“. Even the most compatible couples are never on exception, just make sure you avoid showing contempt for your partner. If possible, in totality.
5. Complain but don’t criticize your partner
Why criticize your partner when you can complain? Consider complaining to your partner about certain issues you’re not comfortable with.
Talking about specific issues will reap better results than attacking your partnerThe Gottman Institute
To criticise is to add spoilers in your marriage. When you criticise your partner, s/he will begin to feel destabilized in the marriage.
When your partner promises to do something and failed at it, it could be that they forgot. There’s a better approach to fixing it instead of criticizing them. This is, however, regardless of the mood you’re in. Remember to control your anger and start your speech slowly until it flows free from anger.
Try saying, “I really was hoping for the baby diapers, we discussed you would get while coming home“. Instead of saying “you promised to get baby diapers from the store but you didn’t, you’re such a failure“.
6. Remember how far you have gone in marriage
It is never a matter of how many years you’ve spent together in marriage. But all the memories, the time, engagement, love and sacrifices made. That’s actually what I mean by “HOW FAR YOU’VE GONE” in marriage.
Imagine your future together with your partner and without him/her. Notice the feelings that might arise when you’re no longer together. The depression, the grief, regrets and disappointment which are birthed by a breakup. Whether it is for good or bad that the marriage ended.
Do you really want to give up on your marriage? A little flashback in time, leave you with a handful of reasons to stay back in your marriage and fix things together.
However, this does not mean that you’ll have to press your head deep into a marriage that hurts – it is ridiculous.
7. Forgive your partner
Before you call it a quit in your marriage, try forgiving your partner. Forgive your past too, so it doesn’t come hunting for you. If you fail to forgive your partner, you’re still submerged in the wrongs that he/she has done.
Obviously, you could be seen acting upon a bad past. This would eventually keep your minds towards doing things that will break your marriage so soon.
Practice the art of forgiveness. Your failing marriage will thrive because of the art of forgiveness and lovingkindness. Although I understand that forgiveness is easier said than done, it is easier in the presence of an apology.
There’s usually no correlation between forgiveness in marriage and condoning actions that hurt. Forgiveness will allow you to forget the past that’s deep-rooted in pains. Be resilient and work on uniting together with each other.
Common questions for a failing marriage.
There’s a way tell for sure if your marriage is worth saving is when you see yourself trying to find answers to a few questions below on “things to try before giving up on your marriage”.
#1. Should I try to fix my marriage?
I understand how complex marriage issues can be, especially when your marriage is in a bad state. Understanding, trust, affection, etc, are already in mixed with dust. Getting back on track quickly can be very daunting. But you’re advised to try fixing your marriage first before you give up on it.
If your partner understands you, fixing your marriage will be much easier than you could ever imagine. If your partner has already given up on marriage, it will take some time to fix. Keep trying strategically, but don’t get your self hurt the most in the process – it is ridiculous to do so.
#2. Can only one person save a marriage?
It is difficult and almost seemed impossible trying to save your marriage by yourself.
You’re not married to yourself, marriage is a bond between two. For a marriage to continue, the two must be in harmony and accept to understand their differences, in order to live together as one.
When an opposing factor pops out in the union of two, it becomes the sole responsibility of the couple to sort things out as soon as possible.
No matter what skills or guide you have acquired, on how to save your marriage alone. The brutal truth is that it will stress you out and might leave you achieving nothing about it in the end.
Your partner must at least show a sign of concern, that they still want the marriage, as this can only make it possible and easier to heal fast.
#3. How do I fix a failing marriage?
To critically evaluate and find out the root cause of problems in your marriage, can be tedious that you might be tempted to run away from marriage, but it has a reward.
When your marriage is saturated with negatives, make sure you’re surrounded with people who’re in a healthy relationship. There’s always something you can learn from them.
Get counselling to fix a failing marriage, trust me this is cheaper than you think and easier than divorce.
#4. Can a toxic marriage be saved?
Toxic marriage can be saved with the right efforts. According to Lynda Spann, not all toxic marriages can or should be saved. Especially when you have lost security and safety in your marriage. The toxicity has reached a fatal level of no return.
Fixing marriage issues is not as easy as it sounds, but it is possible.
To find reasons not to give up on marriage and work towards them, to heal the marriage and bring everyone back to the track. Both partners have to put there hands on deck.
At this point, I’m assured you have seen what to do when you feel like giving up on your marriage?
Nevertheless, in as much as we believe that apologies “ I’m SORRY”, can melt the heart and help heal a marriage that’s breaking, there’s the need in superlative order to avoid the things leading to saying SORRY.
When you feel like giving up and always complain “my husband is giving up on our marriage“. Or “my wife is giving up on our marriage“, remember how the love started in the first place and the posterity you promised each other. Give your marriage a rethink.
There’s no need trying to sugarcoat a thing here. The brutal truth is that there’s every possibility to face one marital issue or the other in the long run. This is no way a bad wish in your marriage, but the truth must be told, they’re just inevitable.
I’m no longer scared you’re going to give up on your marriage because you already have seen how not to call it a quit in marriage but to work hard and make your marriage great again.
If you’ve done all your best to save your marriage but it yielded no result at the moment, be patient and keep trying to see if things can still work out between the both of you.
What if you have totally considered it “the marriage” a thing you can’t continue with and want to quit? Be brave to make the decision and go on with it. Hope you won’t wish that you never did? Rethink and make sure there will be no regrets if you divorce him/her. Then move on with your life to discovering your real self and the kind of love you deserve in life.