One-liners are one of the funniest types of jokes. Some with a sprinkle of adult humor jokes and others you can basically share with kids.
Therefore, everyone can pick from our list of brilliant one-liner jokes that suit their particular sense of humor. If you have a good sense of humor and you’re not afraid of enjoying most types of comedy, then you can enjoy all we have for you today (because we basically compiled the best one-liners of all time)
It would be amazing for you to sit back, relax and laugh along with us as you enjoy this list of one-liners. You can even share it with friends after.
1. She told me she wanted to go down the aisle, so I sent her shopping.
2. She says I keep pushing her buttons, if that was true, I would have found the mute button by now.
3. The baby ant was confused, all his uncles were ants.
4. So what if I don’t know what the Apokolips is, it’s not the end of the world.
5. My wife tried applying for a job at the post office, they wouldn’t letter.
6. Luke drove his car into a tree, found out how his Mercedes bends.
7. Got a job packing leaves, am raking it in.
8. Two wrongs do not make a right, but three lefts do.
9. Playing golf with me takes a lot of balls.
10. I got fired from my job at the calendar factory because I took some days off.
11. The crazy wife says the moose is falling from the sky, the husband says “no, it’s reindeer.”
12. Halloween, the only day of the Mont Jehovah witnesses can work from home
13. I know a taxi driver 6ft tall, chews tobacco and loves a fight. Even her husband is scared of her.
14. The cops stopped me when I went to London and asked what was in my boot? I said two feet and ten toes. Now am being arrested.
15. Am reading a book on anti-gravity, it’s impossible to put down.
16. My wife went to her first arthritis support meeting, she got along with everybody. Guess everything just clicked.
17. Just remember that no matter how much you try to push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.
18. At the job today I got asked if I had a police record, wonder why they wanna know about my taste in music.
19. Got fired at the M & M factory cause I was getting rid of defective pieces, some had W written on them.
20. A cross-eyed teacher was mad, he couldn’t control his pupils.
21. I mistook Tipex for Viagra, woke up with a big correction.
22. I now drink the milk of magnesia and vodka, it’s called a Phillips screwdriver.
23. My wife asked me if her appendix scar made her unattractive apparently the answer of ” no babe your boob’s covers it” wasn’t what she was looking for.
24. Am not saying my wife is ugly but on Halloween, she went to the neighbors to ask them to turn down the music, and they gave her a Haribo.
25. Arguing with my wife is like reading the terms and conditions on an application you want to install, you just ignore everything and click on I agree.
26. So we buried my uncle Frank in his favorite beer mug, his last wish was to be ” frank in stein”.
27. The key in having a successful pantomime donkey career, is to quite while you’re a-head.
28. I’d like to have kids, one day, I don’t think I can tolerate them any longer than that.
29. My wife broke her satnav. And she wants $160 for a new one. Well, she can get lost.
30. As I get older I remember people I lost along the way, maybe a career as a tour guide wasn’t the best idea.
31. My girlfriend treats me like a GOD, she ignores my existence and only talks to me when she needs something.
32. A salesman tried to sell me a coffin, that’s the last thing I need.
33. My uncle has two Dobermans, Rolex and Timex. Watchdogs.
34. I might go for a job as a mirror cleaner, I could just see myself doing it.
35. What’s the difference between people praying in the church and the people praying in the casino, the people I’m the casino mean it.
36. My wife has never told me that I take her breath away, so I hid her inhaler.
37. I saw two gentlemen fighting over a bus pass today, it was a fair fight.
38. The police raided a circumcision clinic yesterday after they got a tip-off.
39. Do not touch must be the scariest thing to read in Brazil.
40. Can you pay attention the teacher said, I can’t, am broke.
41. Someone just glued my pack of playing cards together, I can’t deal with it.
42. I don’t what the best thing about Switzerland is, but their flag is a big plus.
43. I saw a flying rabbit today, it had an eagle on its back.
44. Banks should ensure that their ATMs are filled, this is the fifth one I have been to today that’s said “insufficient funds”.
45. Don’t put all your eggs in one basket, sounds like more propaganda from the basket industry.
46. What’s a forklift? Food usually.
47. I don’t have a carbon footprint, I drive everywhere.
48. I got hit on the head with a large book, I have my shelf to blame.
49. A fork and a knife had a race, it ended in a drawer.
50. If you tickle a man to death, is it manslaughter.
51. Took my wife to the doctor for a spot between her breasts, turns out it was just her belly button.
52. My wife run off with a Fisherman, am gutted.
53. I just published a book on reverse psychology, please don’t buy it.
54. I’m a night guard at a Samsung smartphone store, does that make me a guardian of the galaxy?
55. Just finished an excellent book called “A fight on a small boat”, by R.G. Bargee.
56. If you really want a job at the moisturizer company, apply daily.
57. How do stars die? Usually an overdose.
58. A man was shot today with a starting rifle, police believe it was race-related.
59. Kenny G. Found a saxophone in the septic tank, he blew the shit out of it.
60. So you can buy Viagra off the shelf at your local drug store, thought it would be harder.
61. I hate people that can’t let go of the past, debt collectors are the worst.
62. Working at an egg packaging company isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.
63. The hardest thing about telling my daughter that she is adopted, is learning Japanese.
64. I’m a pyromaniac, I had to go off a dating app, there were too many matches.
65. I had a dream last night, I was swimming in an ocean of orange soda, turns out it was a Fanta sea.
66. The police wanted to arrest me for trespassing, on what grounds.
67. A computer once beat me at chess, it was horrible at kickboxing class though.
68. “I lost my khakis”, says a man from Boston who lost his car keys.
69. They’re making a remake of a never-ending story, starting with a man asking his wife how her day was.
70. I’m currently learning how to make fizzy sweets am currently having a refresher course.
71. A trying to get the ice and snow off the car with my supermarket reward card, could only get 10% off.
72. Am at the age where I can’t function without my glasses, especially when they’re empty.
73. Something blue but not that heavy, light blue.
74. You know what catches my eye? Midgets with umbrellas.
75. Music loving windmills, they’re a big metal fan.
Hope you enjoyed reading these jokes as much as we enjoyed putting them together. Trust me these jokes will kill anywhere. You just might need to work on ur delivery, if you aren’t used to telling jokes, but be confident, telling jokes is a piece of cake, and it’s even easier if there are very funny jokes like ours.
