Everybody likes the funny guy, everybody wants to be around the funny guy. There are a few better ways to be the funniest guy in the room knowing a lot of short jokes for everyone to enjoy.

Whether it’s a one-liner or a pun or a knock-knock joke this compilation of 105 short jokes for everyone is sure to get even your dog rolling on the floor. So no matter what the gathering of people family or friends, we’ve got you ( you’re welcome).

Very funny short jokes for everyone.

1. What do you call a haunted car?  A boogati

2. When a math teacher retires how do you deal with the aftermath.

3. Troy thought he met miss right, then he found out her first Name was Always

4. How do you unlock a door in a ministry, use a mon-key

5. Someone stole the toilet in the police station, cops have nothing to go on.

6. If your iPhone runs out of battery, does it mean it’s run out of apple juice.

7. What did the doctor say to the matchbox that lost weight? You’re a little lighter.

8. What candy do you give a kid for being bad? Punnish-mints.

9. Whoever came up with the knock-knock jokes Deserves a no-bellprize.

10. To the thief who stole my anti-depressants, I hope you’re happy.

11. What did Micheal Jackson sell at his cloth store? Billie jeans.

12. How do billboards talk? Sign language.

13. What does the dinosaur pay bills with? Tyrannasores-checks.

14. What do you call ghost poop? Boo Boo.

15. Why couldn’t the toilet paper cross the road? He got stuck in the crack.

16. What’s the worst thing that can happen to a basketball player? Two sprainz

17. What did the rasta say to the pirate? Everything arrrrie.

18. So in 2012 Frank Ocean came out as gay,  I guess that ocean bi-coastal.

19. Why did the rapper thank the sidewalk in his acceptance speech?  Because it kept him off the streets.

20. I hurt my foot the other day In an accident while driving, guess I should Call the toe company.

21. What kinda hair do they sell at the grocery store? Eggstensions.

22. What did the fat girl say to the pig? Da-haaaaamm!!

23. When does a sandwich cook?  When it Bakin’lettuce and tomatoes.

24. What does the Spanish clock say? Tick Taco

25. Did you hear about the female rapper who only battled when she was on her menstrual cycle? They said she had a mean flow.

26. What do you call a bird that has been yelling and cursing out players? And offensive foul.

27. Why won’t LeBron come to L. A.  ? Cause he has no need for the clippers.

28. What NBA game would scare frosty the snowman? The heat vs the sun’s

 29. What do you say when a chicken is in a dark alley with thugs? Oh, he’s in fowl trouble.

30. Why did the Kardashians go back to the crack house? Cause Lamar owed them. 

31. How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.

32. Research consulted on effects of alcohol on people’s walk Had staggering results.

33. What does a zombie get when he’s late for an occasion? A cold shoulder.

34. I told my briefcase we aren’t going on vacation this year,  now am dealing with emotional baggage

35. “Waiter this coffee tastes like mud”, “sorry it was ground this morning”

36. What are Santa’s helpers called? Subordinate clause.

37. Why are educated people hot? They have high degrees.

38. What do you call being insulted with a pun? Getting punked.

39. How do you kill circus? Go for the juggler.

40. I wanted to cook alligator for dinner, but I only have a crockpot.

41. Why are tailors always skeptical? Things are not always what they seem.

42. When fish are in schools they usually take debate.

43. What did the nose say to the class? Pick me! Pick me!

44. The soothsayer left the group,  they became non-prophet.

45. My wife and I have been happy for 20 years, then we met.

46. Two scientists entered a bar one asked for h2o the other said give me h2o too, he died.

47. I want to get cremated, that’s my last chance of having a smoking hot body.

48. My wife says I have two faults, I don’t listen and then something else.

49. Why did the dinosaurs go extinct? They had reptile dysfunction.

50. Why do u call a gang of dead robbers? The skeleton crew.

51. What weighs more, a gallon of water or a gallon of butane? Butane. Its lighter fluid.

52. Sad news, I broke up with my girlfriend Lorain. She found out I was seeing another girl, Clair Lee. Good news though, I can see Claire lee now.

53. What do u call a doctor who is amazing at hip replacement surgery? A hipster.

54. My boss wants me to sign up for a 401k, no way am running that fast.

55. Why should you never yell into a rice sieve? You’ll strain your voice.

56. I’m giving away a legless parrot for free, no perches needed

57. What do you get when you cross a bear and a mountain lion? Killed, you get killed.

58. Why does the Irish man make his chili with 239 beans? Any more would be too farty.

59. In Europe it’s called a lift in America it’s called an elevator. Guess we were just raised differently.

60. Why is tiny the best name for a pet newt? Because he’s my-newt.

61 My wife asked me to take her to one of those restaurants where there make the food in front of you, so I took her to subway and that’s how the fight started.

62. I told the waiter I wouldn’t pay my bill, why not he asked you ordered 42 coffees. No I ordered 4 tea, 2 coffees.

63. I told my daughter, “go to sleep, the cows are sleeping in the field.” She said, “what’s that got to do with anything?” I said, “that means its pasture bedtime.”

64. When you Excel they spreadsheet about.

65. morticians are hard workers, every job is a huge undertaken.

67. Dr. crusher said she made a voodoo doll of me. I think she’s pulling my leg.

68. what do you call a dictionary on drugs? High definition.  

69. I drew and ampersand on a post-it. And on that note…

70. there was a big sale on paddles at the boat shop. It was quite an oar deal.

71. My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo, hearing that I had to put my feet down.

72. He put wings on his antique car, He may be planning on flying the coup.

73. When you go to cosmetology school and miss a few classes, Do you have to take make up classes.

74. When killer clowns attack, a sure way of countering is to always go for the juggler.

75. what do you call a timid tornado? A shyclone.

76. A blind man walks into a bar… And a table…and a chair…and people.

77. What kind of bee makes milk? Boobies.

78. What’s the best day to cook? Fry-day.

79. Why Was The man’s room so stinky? Because he was turning farty.

80. What do you call the president of the dance club? Donald crumb.

81. Why won’t the farmer have sex in the Barn? Because he don’t want a hen-nesey.

82. What did the mumble rapper say to his kid when he hurt his knee? Awwn,  Lil uzu-hurt.

83. Why didn’t Scott get his wife pregnan? Because he only put the pep in.

84. Whats the difference between Abu Dhabi and Dubai?  The people in Dubai don’t like the Flintstones, but the People in Abu Dhabi Do.

85. A blind man walks into a bar with his seeing eye dog, and starts swinging him around on his leash. The bartender goes “what are you doing? ” and he says “am just looking around. “

86. What did the blind say to his girlfriend because she was wearing makeup? I don’t see the point.

87. What did the peanut say when it sneezed? Cashews!!

88. What did the ice-berge say to the Titanic? Just the tip. 

89. I can’t forget the first time I saw a universal remote control, I remember saying to myself, “this changes everything”.

90. Why did the English textbook breakup with the math textbook? It had alot of problems.

91. Buzz Aldrin was the second man on the moon,  Niel before him.

92. Just burnt my Hawaiian pizza… Guess I should have put it on alowha Temperature.

93. God told men go forth and multiply, women thought he met his problems.

94 when fish needs operation, they get a good sturgeon.

95. What did the emu say to the comic? That’s Emusing.

96. What did the priest say arriving late to a vampire slaying contest? I don’t know the score but it seems to be a full count.

97. What is the monsters favourite smooth? An I scream Sunday.

98. What did the 40 year old groom say to the proposition of him wearing a full metal amour to his wedding? I just worry it might be a little middle aged.

99. Why do people like feet? Well I don’t really know here in the UK we’re used to meters.

100. I have been looking for my keys for a while now, then my wife said I should look harder… So I got a skinhead haircut and a tattoo. Still didn’t find the keys.

101. What did the breasts say to the bra? Hold up!

102. Lots wife was assaulted.

103. My friends and I threw a house warming party last night in my egloo? Wasn’t a cool idea.

104. Why did the neo-natzi fail his drivers test? He only took alt-rights.

105. What did the waitress say to the frog?  Would you like some flies with that.

Was that not a fun ride, I know you enjoyed yourself.

Tell us which was your favourite in the comment box below, and maybe drop some jokes of your own.