A relationship is something we care often about and most times scared things may go beyond our expectations and turn out bad.
All around us, most relationships are drowning even though they are not on the river bank. This is major because some of the ships have been stressed or are malfunctioning.
Why? Because a relationship is not all about love. A relationship involves overcoming all the pressure that comes in the lane of this love; the pressure of settlement, the pressure of sex and companionship, the pressure of entitlement ( family pressure). All these pressures would however not be overcome if the passenger in this ship does not find their essence in life.
Before you jump into a relationship, it is important that you first have your own life, goals and growth. By having a life, it means finding the purpose, passion and your personality. By finding all this, you won’t be excusatory to anyone who doesn’t fit into your passion, purpose or personality.
This would limit the regret of trying to fit into the space you do not belong.
In finding the purpose and passion, timing is very important; not the time as determined by a clock or the time calculated using a watch nor is it the time by the calendar, but the stages of life.
There are two distinct stages in human life; Time to grow and Time to live. Time to grow in purpose and time to live the purpose. This two times a lot of people mix up.
Nonetheless, these times come sequentially, first, we grow before we live. As we first crawl before we walk when we were babies.
The time for growth is the time we spend searching for the purpose and passion of our lives. Where you build your personality, emotional strength, positive attitude and social and human etiquette. Using this to find your fort in life. We use this time to determine our life’s direction and understand what we hope to achieve.
The other time is the chance to live all that you have planned besides a companion who agrees wholeheartedly with our ideas and whose dreams align with yours. This time is spent on growing one another and on being partners.
Are you in a relationship now hoping to find yourself? It may not be the best option for you. This is because when you base your whole life, dreams and aspirations on a relationship, it’s likely to damage you when it ends.
Taking such a big step like going into a relationship when you haven’t discovered yourself can be pressuring. As you spend the time you ought to use growing trying to fit your life into someone. Sometimes what you really need is a genuine friendship and not a heart torturing relationship with someone who can hardly keep up with their emotional imbalance.
Another reason why your relationship may not be working is that you got into the relationship for all the wrong reasons.
Many people think it’s proper to go into a relationship at an early age because they see their friends doing so. Therefore they are pushed into one by peer pressure. Your friends are hanging out with their boyfriend and you do not want to be the third wheel? So you jumped into a relationship because you don’t want to be left out. Sounds familiar? Emotionally, mentally, physically and even psychological you are not ready for a relationship but you go into one for pressure.
What if you are in your relationship because of the material benefits which comes with your partner? The love and affection which should be prioritized are not given attention, rather you may have been focusing on how much you could cater away from your partner without losing a part of you.
A search for companionship also makes people go into relationships for the wrong reason. Rather than caring for themselves and making friends who they are comfortable with. Some people go into a relationship hoping to find stability and consistency which is absent in their everyday life.
Your relationship may not be working because you are simply with the wrong person. There is no perfect person, but still, some people fit together than some others.
Some people complete each other and this can’t be beaten by your trying to fit yourself into someone’s life. Do you have a common ground with your partner? Do you have the same value? Do you have a certain number of likes and dislikes which are almost like your partner’s? You should probably check that before you make conclusions.
Are you always trying to prove that you have nothing to lose? Or do you feel like you really have nothing to lose? Then you are probably not putting in the required efforts.
A relationship doesn’t just happen on its own and take care of itself. It requires a certain amount of energy from both partners for it to work. If you haven’t been taking that into consideration, you may be nurturing a relationship likely to end with no fight.
There are tons of other personal reasons why our relationship may not be working. They are things you can find out quite easily without stress. Examine yourself, your partner and your relationship.
Where do you have broken chords, what is amiss? Why do you keep going over the same routine, time and time again? Talk to your partner and ask them why you keep having problems.
Every relationship with the right person will work if you are willing to put in all the required effort.