One of the most confusing questions for people in a relationship is often asked when it comes to secrets. Should I tell my partner everything or should I keep certain secrets from my partner?
How much trust should I put in my partner’s ability to keep a secret? Such questions are not usual and still, it is quite relevant especially for people who are new in relationships. Such people do not know the unspoken rules and get confused easily.
Are you new in your relationship, or just confused if you should keep secrets from your partner? Is it okay if your partner knows everything that goes on? Or should you keep certain parts of yourself hidden?
Not to worry, here are hints on times when you should consider spilling your secrets if you have been keeping one.
1. When it makes you uncomfortable
Keeping a secret from your partner can be very uncomfortable. Sometimes, you have to tell lies to hide the secret, and the more lies you tell; the more complicated all of the issues turn out to be.
Being uncomfortable with your partner is even likely to put a strain on your relationship and draw you far apart from each other. A secret which makes you uncomfortable is best told, to get it all off your chest. Trust your partner enough to keep it or forgive you, if there’s a need.
2. When it’s sure to come out
Should I tell my partner I cheated with their best friend? I think you should tell them because it’s going to come out eventually.
Either they find out or the best friend confesses to them, it will come out eventually, so why not go ahead and spill the beans, instead of putting them in an awkward position by letting them find out on their own.
When a secret is bound to come out, take your time to break it gently to your partner.
You don’t want to have to explain later when they eventually find out, it makes things harder.
3. When it involves them
You could keep some dark family side of your secret, but when it involves your partner, tell them! In one way or the other, if you found out that your partner is caught in the web of secrets, you would be doing both of you a favour by informing them.
When they find out you know and didn’t inform them, you could lose your hard-earned trust. Trust issues are best avoided in relationships, for they are hard to mend.
4. When the revelation could change lives
You’ve got a secret that could change your partner’s life or affect their lives in a big way? Then, you should definitely tell them.
However, to do this, you have to be very gentle and careful when you do it. Sometimes, of course, it’s best if you can make the conclusion of telling them or not, it all depends on how hefty the secret is.
5. When it will hurt them
Hurting your partner should be the last thing you want to do. But what if keeping that secret is sure to hurt them than the secret when they find out? Sometimes you just have to be courageous and tell them the truth.
When you hurt the one who loves you, you bleed from the pain and betrayal as well. Then, it won’t be a question of whether you should keep a secret anymore. It becomes a tale of the pain you caused them.
6. When the secret can affect their future
As your partner’s lover, it is pertinent that you are concerned about their growth and development. But what happens when you know a secret which could affect their lives and even the future? It is only right that you spill it as soon as possible.
Do not be lured into thinking you are protecting them when it’s their future at stake.
Get a friend or family to support you when you do not think you can withstand the pressure of having to break the news to them yourself. Maybe they’ll appreciate you in the long run.
7. When the secret can cause your partner to lose their life
Should you hide a secret from your partner when it can lead to their death? No! Telling them earlier may save their life and even help protect them from dangers that could arise from not telling them. Health-related secrets, in this case, can be crucial and should not be overlooked.
8. When the secret involves a close relative
Whether it is their friend, family or relative, you owe it to your partner to come out clean to them and tell them the truth. Just as much as they will look out for you, your family, or friends if you are involved, you also have to look out for the safety of their family.
Do not spill the bean in such a way that it will lead to chaos. Rather break the news gently, and pacify them if there is a need.
9. When the secret can lead to break up or divorce
Now, that’s a really hard one? Should you tell your partner if it will lead to a breakup or divorce? The answer is yes because sooner or later, they’ll find out about the secret and eventually break up. But now, going to them to spill the secret may get them to forgive you and even stay with you regardless.
When they find out on later days, they may feel worse than now, therefore never even considering forgiveness.
Secrets can be very dangerous. They can mar your relationship with people or your partner completely.
Nevertheless, they could also bring both of you together, if you let it. Be selective about the type of secrets you tell, but still be as transparent with your partner as much as you can.
Keeping secrets is not encouraged and should be avoided at all cost.