While it’s easy to spot blatant lies, there are subtle signs that someone is not being honest. Most of us have likely been lied to at some point in our lives.
Whether it was by your best friend, a parent, or a romantic partner, the violation of trust can be devastating. It can also lead you to wonder how you could have been so blind as to not see what was right in front of you all along. Here are five signs of someone who doesn’t honor their promises.
1. They don’t look you in the eye.
Avoid hiring people who look at the floor or their phone when they speak to you. This is a sign that they’re not confident in their skills and are nervous to be talking to you. People who are confident in their skills and are comfortable with who they are will make eye contact with you when you talk to them.
Don’t let someone take credit for a job they didn’t do. Saying someone else did your job or taking credit for an amazing idea is an honest lie. What they’re hiding is that they have nothing original or thorough to offer. Always be open to the possibility that your idea came from someone.
Don’t give up on your dreams and aspirations just because someone else didn’t get there first. You deserve to be told you’re off your rocker. If someone needs convincing, give it.
There’s nothing wrong with being shy and reserved. Shy people are naturally introverted and don’t enjoy being around people who are bold and talk a big game. You can be both. We need to remember that shy people are fine. They just don’t do the extroversion that we desire, and they are also introspective enough to be discerning about when someone is being sincere.
If someone asks you to help with something that they’re doing alone, don’t say no. Instead, learn about it and ask how you can help. That could lead to finding a partner or finding a mentor or coach to who you could listen to.
Being hurt by someone doesn’t mean you are less of a person. BLAME someone for the things they did wrong. Try not to be hard on yourself for the things you may have done well. Blaming gives you unrealistic expectations that can make the situation worse.
Reflect on the woman you love before anyone else. How was she different? Was she simple or did she have baggage? Was she in a relationship or single? Make a list of characteristics for your partner.
2. They avoid answering questions or give only partial answers.
Whenever someone asks you a question, give them a clear answer. You don’t have to give away all your secrets, but if you’re asked a question, answer it or give a relevant response. If you’re evasive when answering questions, people will find you untrustworthy.
If a conversation goes sour, say something. People are busy. Regroup and find other questions to talk about. If someone doesn’t respond to your response, it doesn’t mean you don’t care either. It could mean you were waiting for the right time or that you don’t have time for it.
To sell something, find a way to sell it. You don’t need to say the obvious answer, but you do need to come up with a good response that convinces the person you’re selling to. If they can’t buy it from you, they won’t buy it from anyone else.
Imagine this scenario: you and a partner go on a trip to Paris and meet a friend for a drink. During the drink, you talk about the city and how much you love it. After the talk, you realize that the full moon on the first day of Paris is a big deal in your city. You can’t wait to see it together on the big day.
The problem is that you promised to meet your friend for dinner first. When you realized that you didn’t have the time to see the full moon together, you switched to a different time and venue. The room shook with anticipation. Instead of seeing the full moon together, you got two hours of watching the fireworks, then an hour eating the same dinner that you had planned four months ago. You’ve made a promise and broken a promise and still failed to meet the people you said you would.
To get into shape, exercise first. Try running first if you want to lose weight. Think about other things that you’d like to do first.
3. They contradict themselves, often and easily.
You’re not being honest and genuine if you contradict yourself. It makes you look like you don’t know what you’re talking about and it makes your audience question your credibility. Mean if you’re setting one of your promises to an outside observer, the chances are high that you’re not being honest with yourself.
Don’t let this be you. Don’t walk like a man who said one thing in the past and has another lined up in the future. Most likely, you don’t know what you’re truly waiting for. Trust your own eyes, and realize that things will change once you get there. Here’s a quick trick that will help you get past people who aren’t living up to their word.
When you find perfectionism embedded in your friend’s promises, chase it down. Tell them your vision, tell the truth, and try to make them see that you’re the better candidate. People being honest with themselves allows them to fulfill their potential. This will help them see through people who don’t value themselves as much.
It’s natural to want to enjoy life while you’re enjoying it. People often get lost in the moment and don’t realize what they have to offer. You might be in a relationship for a couple of years and still feel like people haven’t noticed how extraordinary you are.
If they say they want to help you discover that wonderful side that you maybe never knew existed, ask them to describe how they’re going to help you make the most of this incredible new stage in your life. Say how their presence will make you feel appreciated. In turn, be mindful of how you come across to them and whether they start to feel neglected.
Writers and entrepreneurs of all types can be guilty of this.
4. Their stories don’t add up or are incoherent and inconsistent
The third thing to look for is if their stories don’t add up or are inconsistent. Inconsistencies can include saying different things to different people, contradicting themselves, and having a story that doesn’t make sense. For example, they may say one thing one week, but then completely contradict themselves the next day. They can also have a story that changes over time. For instance, they might say they once kissed her, but several years later say they never did.
With just a few questions, you can find out pretty quickly if someone is telling the truth. It may take some digging, but it’s well worth the effort.
One of the more obvious red flags is a lack of trust. There’s always the person who always follows through with their promises. It’s as if they don’t care as much about the outcome. This could start when they yearn for the approval of others or feel they cannot live up to a certain standard because they haven’t met that standard themselves. Then some people never seem to make good on things they say they’ll do. The reason for this could range from they do something and it turns out they don’t, or they do something and then they don’t follow through.
There are also those people that expect commitments and outcomes to their behavior. For instance, some people don’t follow through on promises or commitments when it’s clear they don’t want to do so. They may place a lot of importance on what other people think about them. They may be the kind of person who feels they’ll always be forgiven, even when they break their promises.
The other type of person who doesn’t respect their promises is the persistent one. They’re the ones who don’t let up, even though it’s clear they don’t want to. They’ll say and do anything to get what they want, even if it’s a lie.
5. They lack motivation and commitment, even when there are obvious consequences to not doing so.
One of the biggest reasons for procrastination is that people just don’t feel like doing the task at hand.
You might not feel motivated enough, you might not like the task, or you might not feel like you’re in a position to be able to do the task. It’s easy to think that if you were cute enough, you’d be able to get people to like you. It’s easier to think this if the moment you arrived meant you mattered. If you made a great impression going into the job interview, you were going to be the one in the successful company.
If you were dreaming of being a writer when you went to university, you would go on and be a published author. If you were talented in chess, you would be the world champion.
Unfortunately, these are just talking points. The people you are most likely to persuade are people who aren’t as strongly committed to their dreams. They are the people standing in the way of a dream, who want the fancy experience, who want the status, but don’t have the stomach to commit. They are people who want too much recognition, recognition that will only breed contempt.
When you see someone standing in the way of their dream, it’s tempting to write them off because you imagine that this person has it the hardest. However, being someone who has been writing, selling, teaching, speaking every day of their life exposes them to an enormous level of risk. This exposes them to behavioral change.
Following an occupation down the path that will inevitably lead to failure can be okay. It may even be the only way.
However, if their occupation contributes to #NoChangeWhileSelling, then their continued occupation is emphatically not okay. Sue them. Take back what’s been given to you in exchange for your dream. If you can’t get a dream job, create a dream job.