Have you come to the conclusion that you have to leave your partner? Due to one reason or the other, you don’t wish to remain in that relationship. Well, before you call it quits and break up with or separate from your partner, there are some things you need to consider.
Separating from your partner is never easy and it comes with its implications. Are you prepared for the aftermath? Here are fifteen things you must know before separating from your partner.
Things to consider before separating
1. Being alone has its advantages and disadvantages.
When you separate from your partner, you’ll have more free time than you used to have. This is great news, right? Maybe you can finish that novel you’ve been writing or finally get around to learning a new language.
While being alone is good and healthy, it also has its bad sides. People who are alone are more likely to have depression. This is because you might not be socializing as much. Humans are social beings and we crave connection with other people. When this is taken away, it’s easy to dwell on negative thoughts, and in the long run, they’ll affect you.
2. People will talk
For people who have been together for a long time especially, there’s bound to be some discussion or rumor floating around.
Some people are just busybodies and can’t stick their noses out of other people’s businesses. Others might be genuinely concerned though and might want to know simply because they care about you.
You have to be prepared for the onslaught of questions that are bound to come your way.
“Did he cheat on you?”
So many questions will be thrown your way and you can’t avoid them. It’s good to always know the reason you’re separating from your partner. Are you tired of the relationship? Or maybe he or she doesn’t love you anymore?
In the end, it’s up to you to decide what you want others to know about your personal life. You could just tell them that the relationship wasn’t working out anymore and you needed a fresh start.
3. Your place might not feel like home.
For partners who have been living together, you might overlook the toothbrush next to yours until it’s gone. This actually goes both ways, the home after the partner has left and the home the partner is moving into.
When your partner leaves your home and takes away their things, as expected, the house might feel a little empty. You notice their favorite mug or that the spot where their towel used to hang is now empty.
It’s normal to miss them. After all, you were probably in love with them once, maybe you still are.
Feeling like your home is alien to you is a feeling that will eventually pass away. You will begin to see it as your own house, your own home. The memories you shared with your partner there will soon be replaced with your own memories, as long as you create them.
The partner who moves out might also have a hard time adjusting to their new home, especially if it’s a new house and not their former one. You would go to the kitchen and discover that the cabinets aren’t on top the way they were at your partner’s home.
In time, these feelings will fade. As you move on with your life, it becomes easier to let the past go and look forward to what the future has in store for you.
4. People’s unsolicited advice
Yes, people will try to tell you what to do or what you should have done. When most people hear that someone is separated from their partner, they immediately become relationship experts and counselors.
Be prepared for your friends to give you their advice on how to live your life or how to move on.
They might suggest going to see a therapist or suggest that you start seeing someone new get your mind off it. They will have this is to say about your old relationship and give their views on what both of did wrong or could have done better.
While listening to advice is good and your friends might mean well for you, it is important for you to know that it is your journey. Go at your own pace. Don’t do things simply because you were told to.
Let your actions come as a result of your conviction that it is the best thing for you.
5. You may feel guilty for leaving
If the separation was your idea, you may feel guilty after the separation. It’s never easy to end a relationship and the guilt might weigh heavily on you.
Being in a relationship means that you care about the person so don’t condemn yourself when you have thoughts about their welfare.
You might start to wonder how they are and how they’re faring. You’d think of how they’re handling the separation and how well they’re coping without you.
This guilty feeling, in time, dissipates. You did what was best for you and you didn’t mean to hurt anyone.
6. You may feel like you’re moving on too fast
After the separation, you might start to see someone new. Thoughts that you’re being unfair by moving on too fast may plague you. You might begin to worry about why people think.
If you reach this stage, or you’re currently there, know that you deserve happiness. If being in a new relationship is making you happy, then go ahead. Be sure that it’s what you really want.
7. You have to be firm with boundaries
If your partner will still be in your life, define your new relationship and set boundaries. Ensure that your lines aren’t being crossed.
You’re leaving the relationship for a reason, remember?
8. Is this what you really want?
Take time to revaluate why you want to separate. Think about the reasons and make sure that it is something you want to do.
Don’t make the decision based on someone’s view. If you’re going to separate from your partner, be sure about it. If you’re doubtful that it’s what you want, then you might still remain in the relationship. Perhaps you only need to see a counselor.
9. It is normal to feel relieved
After leaving the relationship, you might feel like some huge burden has been lifted off you. Don’t feel bad that you feel this way. It’s normal.
A relationship that you want to get away from becomes stifling and when you leave, you may feel this huge sense of relief, like you did yourself a favor. Well, it’s true!
10. Your future living arrangements
It’s helpful to make a plan on where you’re going after the separation. Are you getting a new house or moving to an old one. Details like that have to be worked on so you don’t end up feeling lost after you leave.
11. Your partner may come begging
That is why you must be absolutely convicted on your reasons for separation because when your partner comes to beg you to come back and you begin to think of the reasons why you should remember why you shouldn’t and why you left in the first place.
It may seem harsh but it’s helpful for both of you if you remain firm in your decision.
12. Your support system
Leaving a relationship is never easy. Surround yourself with people that will help you through the rocky times.
It’s usually better to stay around family or friends. Their presence and the assurance that they care will help to comfort you. They will be there when you need a shoulder to cry on or someone to talk to.
13. You may want to go back
This just shows you’re human. It’s possible that the relationship needed a break for things to get better.
If you’re strongly considering going back, have a talk with your partner. Let them understand the reasons why you left in the first place and if you’re absolutely sure you want to go back, then do so as long as it makes you happy.
14. You may feel numb
After the separation, you may find yourself not feeling anything at all. No emotions on display. It’s normal if you feel like this. Some people process situations in different ways.
Don’t beat yourself down or think you’re a bad person. You’re not, you just need time to process it.
15. You may get “too” emotional
It’s also possible that you can’t seem to stop the waterworks. Everything you see brings them to mind and you can’t help the emotions that surge through you.
Talking about it may help so you might feel better after seeing a therapist. Being emotional is okay and as mentioned earlier, people process situations in different ways.